I've had someone say “Do you know who I AM?!”, in an absolutely offended tone and in real life.Guess what? I don't impress that easily.I was working for a high end espresso machine distributor in Marin County California decades ago as an Equipment Technician.It had been a slow week and the Boss (an awesome old school NY style Italian) was out for a bit of vacation, leaving me to run the shop for a week.In between service calls I had 2 machines to refurbish for sale, and was working on putting the first one back together after tearing it apart to delime everything.Now because I'm on the Aspergers Spectrum I find it very easy to drop into a state of intensely focused Flow with work I enjoy, if I'm left undisturbed for an hour or two. I'm also unimpressed by celebrity and always have been. Worse yet I'm absolutely HORRIBLE at tying names and faces together with folks when I've not dealt with them a lot.That was the case at about 3:40 one Friday afternoon when some random (to me) guy walks in to the shop. I was in back and deep in flow putting this espresso machine back together when I hear the bell on the door ring as he entered.I was at a point where I couldn't stop what I was doing, so I called out “I'll be with you in 5 minutes! Please help yourself to some coffee or a San Pelligrino.”30 seconds or so goes by and a little Banty Rooster of a guy strutting & stamping his feet comes into to the back shop and demands to know if I know who he is. I eyeball him for a full minute (nope & I DGAF either son, but you're a customer so I'll put on my Helpful Customer Service face for ya) with my hands still in the machine, dudely says “WELL?!” and I say (sugar wouldn't melt in my mouth) “Sorry hoss, I've no clue who you are, but if you'll give me 3 minutes to get to a stopping point here, I'll be more than happy to help you out. Please help yourself to some coffee or a San P out front.”He LOOKS at me and says with a self satisfied smirk “Well, I'm Mister Bantam Rooster La-Tee-Dah of Some Famous Rock Band” I looked at him, smiled sweetly and said, polite and neutral “Oh? Cool. Pleased to meet ya Banty, I'm Kris. Nice music. I'd offer to shake but as y'all can see my hands are a bit dirty. I'm almost to where I can stop and I'll be right with you.” (and I honestly couldn't give less of a fux‡ but sugar wouldn't melt in my mouth because I'm on the job, son)It's now 4:05Still smiling, I continue working to my stopping point with Banty just glaring at me.I get to my stopping point, wash the grease and coffee funk off my hands, offer to shake his hand, which MR. Banty Rooster ignores. So I lead him back to the front and ask what I can get him to drink as I make myself a cappuccino on the demo machine. (Most folks took a cappuccino and I meant to hand it to him if he asked for one)4:10Banty points at his fancy car out front and tells me I need to get the espresso machine out of the car and “Fix it Right NOW” because he's having a party tonight. (It's a bitty little $400 home machine‡ not something I'd expect a millionaire to buy. For reference a new commercial 2 group was about $4k at the time)I looked at the clock, LOOKED at Banty (yup, sugar wouldn't melt but I'm still fuckless, bud) and asked him what was wrong with it as I'm walking out to get it. I walk back in with the machine hanging from one paw and for some strange reason (perhaps he didn’t get the fawning over he was owed?) Banty wants to know what it matters what's wrong with it.So I tell him that it's now 4:15 and the more he can tell me, the better chance I have of fixing it before I go home at 5:30, but that I've got a loaner machine ready now if he'll just leave a refundable deposit as security for it. (I'm still smiling all sweetness and light, Still no fux to give and I'm now pondering if I can muster enough pee to fill the steam tank before I have to give it back to him) Apparently either the loaner or the deposit simply won't do for a man of his stature.The boy looks at me, muttered something about “We'll SEE about that!” and storms out the door.Here's my obligatory “cute kitteh” pic.4:30I shrugged, took the machine in back and the problem turned out to be the power switch which took me all of 10 minutes to swap out. I idly pondered filling his steam tank again, but thought better of it.I looked in the customer file, dug up his number and called his home. A gal picks up and after a bit of chatting (she's the maid) I tell her his espresso machine is fixed and waiting for him to pick up, and that I'll be happy to wait till 5:45 if he wants it tonight, otherwise we're open at 11 to 3 on Saturday. She's duly impressed and will have his wife get a hold of Banty to let him know.5:48No show, no call, no nothing.I'm out front locking the door.Banty comes ROARING into the parking lot screeching tires and just fuming. I can see the steam coming from his ears. I smiled, waved as if there was not a thing wrong on God's Green Earth and unlocked the door to show him in.Banty is all kinds of bent & glaring at me as I tell him the bill is $38.60 and we take cash, cards or a check. (And yea‡ You're damned lucky I don't put a $40 Stoopid In Public Fee on top, son, but you ARE paying)He says he doesn't have it, I cock an eye at him and just start LAUGHING. Hard. Out Loud.I catch my breath and say “Oh hell naw, Banty. You're a millionaire rock star and y'all don't have a lousy $40 on ya? What kind a fool y'all think I am? Pull the other leg Boss, it plays Dixie!”He's just about sputtering now as I begin to turn and put the machine back on the pickup shelf and I'm telling him he can either pay me or pay the boss when he picks it up on Monday (still a very polite country boy tone, but I'm DONE playing with y'all here and I'm ready to go home to a snort of Bourbon now)He walks to his car, comes back and throws two crumpled 20s at me.I look at him, look at the money on the floor, my Chipper Custome Service smile turns just a tad wicked (it's been a long 2 hours ya punk Asshole), hook a thumb at the sign behind me and say, “Y'all care to try that again, SIR? ’cause I'm ready to go home now.”And I lock eyes with him and WAIT (I'm about ready to see if the machine will fit down his throat with that filled steam tank).About 10 seconds pass, he picks up the money makes a Big Show of smoothing it out. Then he pushes it across the counter to me. I slide his $1.40 change to him with the machine and thank him for his business and we both go home.Monday 9:30I've been in the shop 3 hours now and have the second refurbish machine almost done as the boss (the old school New York Italian) rolls in a bit bleary-eyed.Because I like him and he's a bit green around the gills, I wandered out of the shop area, fix him a perfect double cappuccino (2 short shots of espresso, 1/2 part steamed milk and 1 part foam so stiff you can float a tablespoon of sugar on it) and hand it to him with a slug of Grappa. He smiles gratitude at me, I wink in sympathy (yea.. too strong a weekend for ya boss?) and I go back to work.The phone rings about 20 min later. Boss, now properly restored by the coffee and Grappa, picks up and it's my BFF Banty Rooster. I can hear him on the other end and it seems he's all kinds of twisted up about some speeding ticket he got doing 63 in a 30 MPH zone after running a stop sign and wants me to personally cough up the $440 it's going to cost him. Boss pops an eyebrow at me (hold my Grappa) and asks Banty why in the world I was driving Banty’s car. I can hear him on the other end just screaming now, that it's all my fault because I was an asshole & treated His Highness poorly‡ Boss asks him again how it came to be that I was driving his car (GOOD Boss!! can you say “intentionally obtuse” kids?).10 AMI grab my tools and head out on the two service calls that came in on Friday, Boss smiles, shakes his head mocking sad and points at the phone.I flash a 2 at him meaning I'll be back in two hours or so and head out.About noon fifteen I roll back in to the shop and my buddy Banty is there sitting with Boss over a cappuccino (If Boss liked him there would be Grappa too). As I walk in Boss is saying something about “That's not going to happen because of the $3800.00 he made for me over last week by getting those 2 Refurbish jobs done on top of the service calls and the $2100 machine sale he closed” Old Banty still doesn't seem real happy so I smile at him, offer my hand, and say how pleased I am that I was able to get his machine fixed in time for his party, despite the late hour he showed up‡ and would you like a slug of Grappa with your coffee?Boss pops that O.G. Italian eyebrow at him, then at me and I tell him the whole story, timing and all‡ but I left out the throwing money part. Boss JUST LOOKS at Banty as I'm telling all.Banty finally leaves, still fuming a bit from the ears, but without his $440 and with his solemn promise that no one he knows will ever darken our door. (Saints Be Praised!)Here's the kicker: Apparently Mister Banty Rooster was “advertising” for us down at a recording studio in the area by telling everyone in sight just exactly how horrible our service was and how we owed him $440 for his speeding tickets. The funny part here is that three folks came in over the next month specifically to buy espresso machines from lil old me. One of em even left me a 10% tip and a very sincere thank you on top of buying a $1500 Espresso machine and grinder.Thanks Banty!! It a GOOD Thing Jesus loves ya! (‘Cause ain't nobody else can stand your ass)Note: Names have been redacted or changed to protect the guilty and my wallet.I'm not telling who Mister Bantam Rooster La-Tee-Dah of So and So Famous Rock Band is because he's supposedly a litigious little shit, in addition to having a Napoleon complex, and I'm just not interested in playing with him on that level.This true story was brought to you by Asshole Man.